When you move to a new city, one of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to make your new home a safe place to get sick. Most people don’t like going to the doctor, let alone finding doctors before they need them, but most people also struggle more than they need to. I’ve been amazed at how a single early conversation brought gentleness and even comfort into the cymbal banging of early-20s life transitions.
Slack for Your Health!
Finding doctors is like building a Fantasy Football team with fewer moving parts. First, decide what positions (specialties) you’re looking for, and then see what’s out there. You may get everything you need from one general email or Slack to the group message, asking, “Hey, I’m new to town and looking for any and all service provider recommendations. Doctors, plumbers, anything you’ve got!”
This works well for a few reasons. First, most people love to feel like the expert in the room and to talk about what they like. Second, phrasing the question like this sets the stakes low. Your coworkers may not love their dentist, handyman, cardiologist, and tarot readers equally, but they will probably love one, and that will be the first name they share with you. Even if you aren’t looking for a urologist, five years from now, it’ll be so much easier to pull up that message thread than to deal with weird bladder pain AND find a new doctor.
The downside of asking a group is that you might end up with gaps and repeats, but it’s better to hear everyone’s A team first and fill in the gaps later. Plus, your coworkers will be in the same insurance boat as you, so their recommendations will be the most relevant.
If Nobody Responds
If nobody responds to the group chat, just re-ask a modified version to your team and to individuals in your department. Keep in mind that older adults, especially parents, are likely to have more recommendations, and women are often the medical decision-makers for families.
Confusion Is Bad
A good doctor’s office should provide a feeling of warm clarity. If any part of interacting with a service provider creates more confusion than it solves, take note! Confusion is our default response to a social interaction that makes us uncomfortable. When something feels muddy about the time you spent with a service provider, take a closer look. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to see how your appointment really went, and whether it might be time to look for a new office.
- Were there any surprises in the pricing? Was it clear what you were being asked to pay for, and when?
- Was your time respected: if there were delays or reschedulings, were you notified ahead of time? Did they act in a way that considered your schedule, or were you expected to wait around them
- Did the admin staff seem receptive to questions? Did they seem to have time to answer any?
- Did any of the staff make off-handed remarks towards others in your presence? Did they mention politics, religion, or make a comment denigrating a group of people?
- If your current service provider doesn’t do the thing you need, how much initiative did they take in helping you find someone who does?
- Finally (and most importantly), how did the service providers handle physical touch? Was it limited to what is necessary to the task, gentle, described, and consented to in advance?
If you know your doctor isn’t great but don’t want to change, that’s one thing. But I’ve spent years with bad doctors for absolutely no reason. I just didn’t know any better.
Also, these questions apply doubly to nurses, PAs, and admin staff. Lots of brilliant, compassionate doctors may work with impersonal, scattered nurses and admins (or vice versa), and you’ll know you have a great dentist/therapist/chiropractor when you can count on both. Good admins in particular can make the difference between getting an appointment when you need one and having to wait it out for weeks. And having someone explain the bill to you in a way that honors your humanity and helps you self-advocate is a powerful thing.
Just Get a GP Already
Until a year ago, I didn’t have a primary care doctor / GP. I had a guy that would give me antibiotics when I had the right germs and a litany of specialists for other stuff but no one that saw the whole picture. This was a mistake. Not an irreparable one, but definitely another brick in the backpack of Difficult Things that Could Be Easier.
Now, my GP is a significant source of the comfort and confidence in my life. She is an ally and advocate, a good listener, and I don’t have to explain things over and over to her. When weird things happen with my health, she knows exactly where to go—often right down the hall. She helps me avoid unnecessary procedures, spot trends, and generally feel more comfortable in my body.
My GP is incredible, but she’s not one of a kind. Good GPs are legion, and they exist to make your life a little easier, cheaper, and saner. And maybe you can swap wedding photos and celebrate each other’s life milestones. You never know.
Moving is hard. Building a life that runs itself like a friendly massage train, though, is so doable! All it takes is a Slack message. And a willingness to seek out the people that make you feel safe.
Happy Monday,
Emily